When I was younger, I was not really physically active. As a kid I would rather curl up with a book than exercise. In middle school I loathed PE class. By the time I was in high school, I was content being a band geek. College was consumed with filling my daily hours with work, class and time on the college radio/ TV stations. Then I graduated, got a job in television and worked crazy hours. I was not into fitness.
My freshman year of college I discovered yoga. I dabbled in that throughout college, periodically taking classes. After college I did a yoga TV show each day, it was on during hours I was home from work and I could do it without feeling more exhausted (I was constantly tired from working at 2:00 AM during that time.)
Then I got my current job, got married and got a gym membership. I didn’t love the gym, but I did like knowing that I was doing something good for my body. I did the couch to 5K program a couple of times during this period, always on a treadmill, and never building to an anticipated 5K race. I never finished the program, it always bored me after a while.
I moved to Las Vegas, lost a ridiculously unhealthy amount of weight, decided to train to do a marathon and that switched on something inside of me… a more powerful, confident, connected girl. That led me to becoming a healthier, more balanced and peaceful girl. *
I liked the runner. I liked myself more as a runner.
And now I can’t run due to stress fractures in my foot. I was put into a soft cast today to help stabilize it further, thus I can’t even attempt the pool because the cast has to stay dry. (And believe me, I was all set to teach myself how to swim. I’d looked up the YMCA pool hours and everything!) There is a little part of me that is fearful that during this forced idle time, I’m going to lose that “happy runner” aspect of me.
I know this is just a short blip on my life’s radar. But it is still feeling like I’m losing something that has become such an essential part of me. I don’t know how to define myself without running. I’m not a knitter, I’m not a dancer, I’m not a singer, I’m not a mother, I’m not a fencer… I am a web geek, but I need some separation from my computer, that’s what physical activity gave me! I feel a little like I’m not anything right now.
I know I’m still Jill, a unique blend that is only me. But right now, it feels a little like one of the main ingredients is gone. How can something that was not part of my life for so many years be such a large component now?
*Not to say that I’m completely at peace, or completely healthy or completely balanced… but I’m a lot closer than I’ve been in a long time!