I Like The Runner

When I was younger, I was not really physically active.  As a kid I would rather curl up with a book than exercise.  In middle school I loathed PE class.  By the time I was in high school, I was content being a band geek.   College was consumed with filling my daily hours with work, class and time on the college radio/ TV stations.  Then I graduated, got a job in television and worked crazy hours.  I was not into fitness.

My freshman year of college I discovered yoga.  I dabbled in that throughout college, periodically taking classes.  After college I did a yoga TV show each day, it was on during hours I was home from work and I could do it without feeling more exhausted (I was constantly tired from working at 2:00 AM during that time.)

Then I got my current job, got married and got a gym membership.  I didn’t love the gym, but I did like knowing that I was doing something good for my body.   I did the couch to 5K program a couple of times during this period, always on a treadmill, and never building to an anticipated 5K race.  I never finished the program, it always bored me after a while.

I moved to Las Vegas, lost a ridiculously unhealthy amount of weight, decided to train to do a marathon and that switched on something inside of me… a more powerful, confident, connected girl.  That led me to becoming a healthier, more balanced and peaceful girl. *

I liked the runner.  I liked myself more as a runner.

Soft Cast
My "soft cast" with a sleeping #JadeTheBoxer in the background.

And now I can’t run due to stress fractures in my foot.  I was put into a soft cast today to help stabilize it further, thus I can’t even attempt the pool because the cast has to stay dry.  (And believe me, I was all set to teach myself how to swim. I’d looked up the YMCA pool hours and everything!)  There is a little part of me that is fearful that during this forced idle time, I’m going to lose that “happy runner” aspect of me.

I know this is just a short blip on my life’s radar.  But it is still feeling like I’m losing something that has become such an essential part of me.  I don’t know how to define myself without running.  I’m not a knitter, I’m not a dancer, I’m not a singer, I’m not a mother, I’m not a fencer… I am a web geek, but I need some separation from my computer, that’s what physical activity gave me! I feel a little like I’m not anything right now.

I know I’m still Jill, a unique blend that is only me.  But right now, it feels a little like one of the main ingredients is gone.  How can something that was not part of my life for so many years be such a large component now?

*Not to say that I’m completely at peace, or completely healthy or completely balanced… but I’m a lot closer than I’ve been in a long time!

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