Week in Re/Preview

I got in walks with the baby in the BOB most days of the week!

Dailymile graph for September 10-16

  • Monday: 1.17 miles
  • Tuesday: 1.17 miles in the morning and another 1 mile in the evening
  • Wednesday: 1.52 miles
  • Thursday: 1.52 miles
  • Friday: 1.52 miles
  • Sunday: 1.52 miles
  • Total: 9.42 miles for the week

On Saturday morning we went to the Gilcrease Orchard and picked up fresh apple cider donuts instead of going on a walk! Totally worth it!

I’m shooting for two mile walks this week!

I ordered these adhesive tape remover pads from Amazon and they are AMAZING! I got all the residue left over from all my bandages without hard scrubbing, the residue just wiped away. True, I now have a box of 100 wipes (well, actually it’s down to 96 after I cleaned up, they’re tiny wipes) but that’s okay. Apparently they work well for band-aids that are really stuck on or if we have any future adhesive tape situations. I wouldn’t think they’d expire either, they’re packaged into little individual packets.

Emotionally I’m having a hard time. I felt fine the first few weeks, but this past week suddenly I felt really sad. Even though my husband is here at home with me and I have Jade The Boxer and Alexis, I feel so alone. There are moments where I just want to cry because I am terrified at how life is going to work out in the future. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and I don’t want to eliminate my job/income… but I don’t see how it’s possible to do this telecommuting gig with the baby.

The way things are right now I feed the baby for about 4.5 hours each day. Then I have another 5 hours a day spent playing with her, changing her, cleaning her, etc. Let’s call that 10 hours a day. Then eventually I’m supposed to work 8 hours a day. Plus I would like to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day. So that’s already up to 25 hours in a day and I haven’t even figured in eating, showering, exercise, blogging, etc. It’s overwhelming!

Anyone ever used care.com with any kind of success? I can’t find any daycare facilities that take infants near my home and I would rather have someone come take care of the baby at my home if I have to work from the house anyway.

I’m tired of leaking and being covered in breastmilk and spit-up and looking like a slob. I’m tired of spending my days with my boobs hanging out. I can wear my real-world clothes now, but they’re a little snug at the waist and the buttons/zippers are not that comfortable with the c-section incision. Plus my abdomen just feels sore and tender to the touch in general still.

Motherhood is no joke… this is a hard life.

At least my baby is adorable:

Alexis asleep on the couch

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6 comments

  1. We found our sitter through care.com. LOVE her! It takes a lot of time and screening, though. I did phone interviews with about 8 people and in person interviews with 3 and then trial runs with 2 to find my sitter. We also have our house nanny-cam’ed so that gave us additional peace of mind. It’s hard. If you want less work, but it costs a whole heck of a lot more, try housekeepers and nannies. Friends have had good success with them.

    Also I know it’s cheesy, but if you don’t have a lot of near by friends with kids, join a moms club. It’s good to surround yourself with women who are going through the same thing as you are. You are most certainly not alone but I totally understand the isolated feeling. It helped me a lot and I’ve made some now life-long friends through it.

    You are doing great, by the way. I don’t think I walked two until about 6 weeks post csection! You’re amazing!

  2. I don’t know if you’re near a university, but as a college student, I babysat for a toddler and an infant for several hours two or three days a week while the mom locked herself in a room in the house to work on her dissertation. She was nearby in case of emergencies or if I needed something, but she was able to isolate herself from all the distractions so she could be productive. It would probably be cheaper than a nanny and isn’t as much of a commitment. And unlike a high school student, college kids generally have some stretches of free time during the day. My school had an email list-serve for employment opportunities in the area, so maybe a nearby college or university has something similar.

  3. oh Jill…..it is all so new to you and unexpected that I understand why you are having a hard time. I agree with Anna above. Check with the school. Even to have someone watch her while you nap and shower will make you feel better. Or use the time to run/work. Anything to make you feel like your life before baby has not completely disappeared.

  4. Hi Jill, I discovered your blog fairly recently, and have really enjoyed going through your past posts.
    I think it is so, so important to share the hard parts of motherhood with other women. Pretending that having a new baby is easy and wonderful 100% of the time is just not realistic, and can set up new moms for some serious self-doubt. So I really appreciate your openness! Thank you!
    I hope things get easier soon, and that you can find some reliable child care.

  5. If we ever stop being sick Avery and I will come visit. Adjusting to motherhood is a very lonely time. You can call me if you need to vent.

  6. I hope it reassures you to hear that those feelings are completely normal. Your hormones are still very much in flux and will be for a while. Adjusting to motherhood and nursing is a big deal and takes time—usually a lot more time than we envisioned! When Annalie was wee and nursing 15 times a day for 45-60 minutes per session (not exaggerating; that was an actual day in a nursing log I kept early on), and I was so frustrated about how many things I could do, I finally told myself, “Nursing IS my LIFE right now, and anything else I get to do—shower, eat a sandwich, read a book—is a bonus.”

    I can remember so clearly feeling like it would never change, that I’d have a leech baby forever. And now she’s EIGHT. 🙂 I’m not saying, “Cherish these days, they’ll be gone before you know it!” because A’s first six months felt like they lasted ten YEARS. But Alex won’t be a newborn forever. It will get so much easier. Once babies hit about 4-5 months they are such fun, and you will be more experienced too.

    I was going to suggest looking for a college child development student too! And I’ve heard really good things about SitterCity.com.

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