D-Date is due date… in case you couldn’t figure that out! This also means I am 34 weeks along now.
Truthfully, I am not quite sure what to update on. I am just so sick of being pregnant and want it all to be over. But I don’t want to be responsible for a baby either… it’s all very scary.
We’ve set up a crib. We have a dresser now. I’ve had a couple of baby showers. (Thank you everyone, I will post more on these later.) We have adorable little clothes that need to be washed. Having all of this stuff around prompted me to say, “Wow… this makes it all feel so real.” My hubby laughed, “The belly doesn’t make it feel real?” But to be honest… that’s different. I still HATE being pregnant and I don’t enjoy all the baby movements, most of the time they kind of hurt or just feel really uncomfortable. But that hasn’t made me think “HOLY SHIT I’M RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER PERSON!” as much as all of the gear around the house has.
No, we really don’t have a solid short-list of names. Everybody keeps asking and it is making me feel like a parenting FAIL right out of the gates. Even one of the very first tasks we’re supposed to do is feeling impossible. I’m not asking for suggestions… just understanding when we say “No, we don’t really have names.” The Star Wars movies were on a lot this week, my hubby kept leaving the TV turned on to them. In Episode III when Amidala gives birth, she names those babies quickly after they come out.
Push, baby, Luke.
Push, baby, Leia.
I guess George Lucas needs to come write the script for my birth.
I am all approved for 8 weeks of “maternity” leave. I say “maternity” in quotes because my work doesn’t really offer maternity leave, people can just take FMLA leave and if they have enough sick/vacation leave accumulated then they’ll still get paid. (Which means all of the paperwork sounds like I have a disease.) Fortunately, I am loaded on the sick leave front… I rarely take sick leave because I work at home. My boss has been fantastic, even threatening that he would request to have my accounts shut down so I don’t try to work during those 8 weeks. He told me that it is important I have this time with my baby. I’m still nervous about leaving work for that long.
As much as I imagine I will hate it after a while, I am actually looking forward to the soft, squishy belly that comes after having a baby… simply because that means this hard ball in front won’t be in the way anymore. Hopefully my stomach will no longer rest on my lap and I can bend forward again without a belly kickstand in place.
I’m also going bonkers with all kinds of plans racing through my head about how I will get back into running shape after all this. I know I need to give myself time to heal, but I also need something to look forward to. These plans may all fly out the window when I meet this person, but for now… it’s what I’m looking forward to.
Remember when I first posted about getting maternity clothes (my 20 week update) and I laughed at the “stunt bump” that was supposed to make me look 7.5-8 months pregnant. Well, the other day I realized I was wearing the same shirt from that photo and I am 7.5-8 months preggo now… so we took a pic.
The shirt has shrunk some since I bought it. I blame this on a) I don’t have a lot of maternity clothes so they get laundered more frequently and b) maternity clothes just suck. Seriously, why are all of my maternity clothes starting to pill on the right side of my belly? It’s a weird wear pattern.
Another doctor appointment a little later today… I’m seeing her every 2 weeks right now, but that will change to every week after the next one. The appointments feel like a waste of time to me. I still can’t breathe, I don’t know that there is anything they can do to help that now but I admit, it is making me very scared about labor. How can I be expected to push out a baby if I can’t breathe when I’m just sitting down trying to relax?
Look at that… I found plenty of things to update on! It all just came flowing out. This is why blogging is a good part of therapy for me!