This weekend I escaped for about an hour on my own and convened with nature. I only saw one other human being, and that was someone on the sidewalks before I got to the trail.
I have telecommuted for 15 years now and, while I have experienced a lot of loneliness over the years, I have never felt more alone and frustrated as I have right now. Which is ironic, because my husband and my kid (and the dog) are both at home with me. In fact, my kid is pretty much ALWAYS with me.
(Truth be told, I went to the bathroom the other day and I purposely stayed in there an extra 5 minutes just to not have someone asking me questions for a few moments. And when I emerged she immediately asked what took me so long. I told her I had to poop a lot to which she said, “Gross.” LOL)
I am supposed to start working at 7am and my husband starts at 9am. So you might think he could entertain her during that time? But no…. she chooses to be with me. I try to send her off to ask her Dad for things whenever she asks me for help and she won’t. And which parent puts all of her school video conferences on the calendar and makes sure she’s connected to those? You guessed it… me.
I could send her away, but she’s feeling really emotional right now because she can’t see her friends. So I’m left being the adult/responsible parent and caring about her needs and feelings while completely neglecting my own.
Somehow this constant chatter and connection is making me feel worse than when I’m truly completely by myself.
But hey… I had pretty outdoor scenery for a while this weekend! I just had to go before she woke up.
Also, it always makes me sad when people say the desert is ugly and lacking in green. It’s just a different kind of beauty.