The past couple of months have been kicking my butt. Even more so than the past several years have been kicking my butt. Some of the things that have been draining me lately more than “normal” life exhaustion:

• Buying a house
• Selling a house
• Moving to a new house
• Getting my first experience at an ER as a parent
• Starting my kid at a new school
• Planning and throwing a birthday party for my kid
• Feeling sick/stressed a lot and developing stress hives.
• Lacking a schedule due to contractors being in and out of my house
• Injuring myself just by sleeping, multiple times
• Living in a house that is in disarray
• Trying to sell furnishings online, only to remember there are weirdos out there
• Dealing with carsickness. Road trips with my kid are full of barf bags. My kid puked on a 1.5 mile drive the other day! The worry every time you get in a car that you’ll be dealing with vomit is taxing!
• Guilt trips from family members
• Reduced hours of sleep due to the stupid vertical blinds in my house clicking/clacking all night and my spouse and I can’t agree on a replacement window covering.
• Anxiety over parenting. Seriously, I don’t understand how people say they were meant to do this gig. The worry I experience is killing me.

But it’s a new month… well, a few days into a new month. I want to write more on this site. I admit, that I don’t know exactly what all I want to write, but I miss blogging. Of course, I think I miss the blogging of a decade ago and maybe that makes me an old lady living in the past.

I also want to record more on my podcast-ish… but I don’t really know why I want to do that. I just like the medium and I want to delve into it more. I guess that’s silly… it’s not like I feel like becoming a sculptor just because I appreciate some artwork? But it appeals to my tech geek side of things.

I want to grow more in my career, learn new things and make things better. But I still feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants all the time. And telecommuting is really isolating and whenever I go to a conference (which is one per year) I feel really rejuvenated and inspired. Then I return home to sit in my home office by myself and that feeling withers away.

I want to run more. I would love to run an ultra at the next Jackpot Running Festival. That involves running more during the week to get training done as well as allowing myself the time to spend hours at the race. But I self-impose a lot of guilt about taking that time away from my kid, so it makes training harder.

I want to feel good! Seriously, how do people just feel decent? I think I used to feel alright most of the time, but I am pretty sure I have had more ailments than good days over the past few years. Countless colds, IBS-flares, asthma attacks, hives, thyroid issues, reflux issues… I’m just a mess!

So anyway… it’s a new month. And I’m going to attempt to make time to get in a little more posting. I’ll review things, ramble about things, whatever I manage to eek out. I miss writing regularly.

But I also need a break… some time to focus on myself and not on everybody else. And yet, just writing that feels so selfish. I simultaneously want less and more in my life. More me time, more relaxing time, more time to just think… yet fewer demands, fewer schedules, less noise.