As of today, Alexis is 4 weeks old. Do I say she’s a month old now? BabyCenter seems to think that I do. I almost have a hard time saying she’s another week older until 9:21 PM each Friday. I guess over time that will change, but the Thursday-Friday while I was in labor seemed soooooo long that it feels like I have to wait until the actual hour of her c-section extraction to “update” her age!

Physical:

I love being able to breathe again. The pregnancy-aggravated asthma and rhinitis cleared up within a day of having the baby. I’ve been plagued a little bit with a stuffy nose the past week or so due to allergies and the possibility of a cold coming on… but overall, I love being able to breathe again.

I have not yet slept or laid on my stomach, which I was so looking forward to doing. But the c-section incision is tender, as is my abdomen in general, so I’ve avoided that. But I can lay flat on my back comfortably and that feels nice!

My skin has cleared up nicely, all of the acne that I developed from pregnancy has gone away. Now I’m just trying to deal with getting all of the residual spots to fade. Eventually I may try a hydroquinone-containing product, but right now I’m using a vitamin C dark spot fade cream as well as the SeabuckWonders oils. They seem to be doing the trick for the time-being.

My stomach is still squishy, obviously it’s not going to be immediately back to normal. But it’s kind of weird to see it since I’ve always had an effortlessly flat stomach (please don’t hate me). It still gets hard when the uterus is angry and working to contract all the way in. I’ve read that it takes a different amount of time for that to happen completely, but hopefully by my 6 week checkup that will be back to normal.

Postpartum bleeding is still going on a little bit. I don’t understand why they can’t just suck all that crap out and cauterize things when they’ve got me cut open! 😉 (And if we really want to try to discourage teen pregnancy and keep girls off those teenage mother shows that seem to be the rage, just explain to them the postpartum bleed out. Tell them that you’ll be in the hospital and have random nurses, some of whom are male, come in and decide they need to check your discharge situation. That’s kind of mortifying. Not that I was ever tempted to become a teen mom, but I think if someone had told me about that in graphic detail I would have been even more terrified of getting pregnant!)

Emotional:

Every day is different, up and down and side to side. Damn hormones and depression!

People keep asking me if I love being a mom and I’m not quite sure how to answer that. I LOVE my baby, she’s amazing. And while it’s kind of cool that my body is creating the sole food source keeping her alive right now, it’s also really draining. I’m hungry all the time now because of breastfeeding and it triggers all sorts of ED thinking. I hate spending so much of my day sitting down to feed and I don’t know how to “play” with a newborn. Mostly I just talk to her during her awake times, she seems to respond better if I don’t overstimulate her. But breastfeeding, changing diapers and talking about everything/nothing to someone who can’t respond isn’t exactly fun.

I was inspired by the website Already Pretty to revamp my personal style after pregnancy. I’ve gotten to be a bit of a slob after years of telecommuting. But I’m having a hard time figuring out how I’m supposed to find cute clothes that work with breastfeeding. I hate feeling frumpy, even frumpier now… but when you want to wear something that doesn’t hurt your midsection and has easy access for feeding it’s hard to know what to wear. Maybe looking cute will have to wait until my body is my own again. (Not pregnant, not breastfeeding!)