The Gender Games

It’s been mentioned here, but I’ll reiterate it… we are not finding out the sex of the baby. We are waiting until “birth day” to learn. You would think we are doing the most horrible thing in the world the way some people react.

Chicco Keyfit carseat“But how will you plan and know what to buy?”
Easy… we’ll get gender-neutral stuff. We haven’t really bought much for the kid yet, as that is rather intimidating and overwhelming. (Also, my husband has been really busy with work the past several months and I don’t want to do all of this myself.) But we did actually buy a carseat. And look… it’s a nice gender-neutral red. And I kind of love it.

“But how am I supposed to know what to buy for you?”
Sheesh… if it causes you that much anxiety and stress, don’t get me anything. I’m sooooooo sorry that MY choice about how I will welcome MY child into this world causes you distress. YOU don’t actually have to do much planning for this kid, so chill out!

“But why?”
Um… because we chose to do that. And being the parents, that’s our choice.

“How can you plan?”
We can’t. I don’t think there is any way to really plan for parenthood. But buying pink things vs. sports-themed items doesn’t really constitute planning to me. Alright… that’s kind of a half-assed answer. So for the planning things I assume people are meaning: gender-neutral gear and clothes. If we ever have a name discussion (which, no… we have not discussed names or even come up with a short-list yet) we’ll come up with both boy and girl names. Basically… kind of like people used to plan in the past. Did you know that I was born in the dark ages where there were no ultrasounds and my parents didn’t know what I was? True, they assumed I was a boy the whole time… but they adapted and thankfully did not name me Gertrude. “Gertrude Will Run” just doesn’t have the same ring to it!

Both of us have leanings toward wanting and thinking this baby is a girl. But I don’t know that I trust that whole “parent intuition” thing in regard to that. (See previous paragraph where my parents assumed I was a boy.)  I want a girl for the following reasons:

  • Boys = WTF?! We used to have neighbors with 12-year-old twin boys and I would watch them from the porch as they built ramps/jumps out of various items of trash they found and then proceeded to ride their bikes/scooters/rollerblades/skateboards/etc. off these things. The whole time I would be thinking, “Don’t do it, that’s going to hurt.” Once they tried it my thought pattern always changed to, “That had to hurt.” I just don’t get it. (However, my hubby thought their ramps looked like fun.)
  • I want to see a girl wrap my hubby around her little finger.
  • My husband comes from a big family and all of his siblings have big families.  (Especially since I come from a family of two kids.) So we have a TON of nieces and nephews on his side. Well…. we have a TON of nephews and a few nieces. We need to add another girl to the mix.

Common wisdom says that the man determines the gender, as the woman only contributes an X chromosome and the man can contribute an X or a Y.  In the book Do Chocolate Lovers Have Sweeter Babies?: The Surprising Science of Pregnancy it talks about how it can actually run in families to be more male or female dominant. However… the woman does actually have a part in this too.  Not like either party is making a conscious decision one way or the other… but sometimes the environment inside the woman favors X’s and sometimes it favors Y’s. So either way it is a matter of survival of the fittest for the existing circumstances.

And if you are one of those people who thinks I’m terrible for saying I’m leaning toward wanting a girl… obviously I just want the baby to be healthy.  🙂

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  1. Yes! Why are people so insane about that. I’m definitely leaning towards a surprise whenever (if ever) I have a baby. I almost want to keep it a secret for the sake of avoiding all girl or boy themed items. That gives me a headache.

    I love making baby name lists! I’m really excited to hear whatever you end up choosing.

  2. I love the red car seat! It really didn’t feel like the dark ages when you were born, but none of us knew the gender before the birth. Your baby will have plenty of gender specific stuff. You will be surprised how quickly you accumulate child stuff.

    Even though we assumed you were a boy, we were and are thrilled that we got you first!! Gertrude Will Run?? I guess I could get used to it. I kind of imagine a girl running in a pleated skirt and saddle oxfords, though.

  3. Just ignore them. They will eventually stop asking you stupid questions. Ignorant people are not worth any energy. Don’t put anymore energy into this, Jill.

    It’s your life. If they don’t like it, they don’t need to be a part of it, right?

  4. I think it is awesome that you are not finding out, but you already knew that. People can be strange when it come to this kind of stuff but, really, it is none of their business.
    You are right in saying that you can’t really be prepared and whether or not you have pink or blue stuff makes no difference at all.
    I guessed right for both my pregnancies, one boy and one girl.
    The boy is a little nuts and my girl wants to be just like him, so when he builds ramps or thinks he can fly, I have to stop both of them. Wouldn’t change a thing though!

  5. I always thought it was funny that it bothered other people more than me that we weren’t finding out the gender on our last baby. What does it matter? The baby will come whether I know it’s a girl or boy. Plus, we both really enjoyed not finding out, it made it more fun and it made the actual delivery more exciting for us. By the way, Dan and Jen didn’t find out on any of their children (didn’t know if you knew that).

    Have fun with it and do your own thing. Love the car seat.

  6. i actually like when people wait to find out. i think it makes it a super fun surprise! and i don’t understand why people can’t have a baby shower / buy gifts after the baby is born (esp if they REALLY want to buy pink/blue). i don’t get why people are so ‘upset’ about your decision (and others who make it) but i also don’t get why people are so opinionated about other decisions we make (what flowers did you have at your wedding / are you going to get a dog / why haven’t you had kids yet / etc).

  7. I really like that carseat. We borrowed one once while visiting some friends out of state. Worked really nice. I never thought it made since to have every single baby item gender specific, particularly car seats. We’re getting ready to buy our first kid bike and I’m annoyed that almost all are a specific boy or girl cartoon character.
    My intuition was wrong on both our kids. I agree the family could use more girls, but we do boys pretty well 🙂

  8. I’m with you… don’t find out. I mean really… this is about the only true surprise there is left in the world – why spoil it!
    I always said if I ever had a girl I wouldn’t dress her in pink until she asked me to, because I abhor pink AND I really don’t think we need to start pushing gender stereotypes on children that early anyway.

    Wish I could find the article back that talked about how finding out the gender prior to birth actually makes the father less invested. Something about knowing what your getting and not having the opportunity to wonder about ‘the other’ actually results in less bonding for the father while the child is in utero. If I find it, I’ll share it. It was fascinating.

    so for those who question why you’re not finding out… tell them you just really like surprises.

    • I would LOVE to read that article. I feel like I try so hard to be able to include my husband in the baby stuff since there’s so much going on inside me that he can’t see or feel. But batting around ideas about gender does seem to provoke more conversations.I would LOVE to read that article. I feel like I try so hard to be able to include my husband in the baby stuff since there’s so much going on inside me that he can’t see or feel. But batting around ideas about gender does seem to provoke more conversations.

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