As of today I am 18 weeks along in my pregnancy. Emotionally I am not as down about the whole process, but I’m also not up about it either. I am a little more open to the idea that I eventually have to shop for baby gear. Not that I’ve done that… the idea of setting foot into a Babies’R’Us or whatever to shop for myself is terrifying. I should pick a color of paint for the baby’s room so my dad can come paint it for me (he volunteered, okay?!) but that feels too hard as well.
Queasiness and heartburn haven’t been as bad this week and I’ve found that even with the time change, I can stay up until 10:00 a little more regularly. Of course, when my husband is working late (which is all the damn time), I’ll frequently go to bed early out of boredom and loneliness.
My sense of smell has always been pretty acute and I think it’s even more sensitive now. Not only do I seem to notice smells of food or products or outdoorsy stuff more, I seem to notice MY smell more. I feel like I stink! My husband said that I’m just imagining it, but I don’t know… it’s got me paranoid. I’ve been using Bubble & Bee Super Spray in combination with my Secret mineral deodorant and feel that helps me. I like the whole philosophy behind the Bubble & Bee line and tried using one of their Pit Putty deodorants last year, but I think starting that right as the Vegas heat was rolling in was a bad idea. It probably would have been smarter to use it at a time when my body doesn’t have to work as hard to cool off and allow myself some acclimation time. But then again, I’m not sure I can go the completely antiperspirant-free route either. I know it’s more natural, but I am just more comfortable being dry! [Read a Review on Bubble & Bee Pit Putty from BellaSugar]
Now… onto the topic that is pressing on my mind most this week:
I’ve always claimed that the human body was meant to run. No, we are not all made to run like Olympic athletes. But to keep moving our bodies, yes… that’s what the body is for. We were not designed to sit on plushy couches and eat sugary snacks all day. Movement is where it’s at!
Ironically enough, now that my body is doing what a woman’s body is supposedly built to do (incubating a human being) I am upset? I don’t find the process beautiful and I don’t feel “connected to my womanhood” (whatever that is supposed to mean) while in this state. Really, I’m just annoyed at the whole process.
Part of me is upset that my husband’s job in this is so easy. The guy gets to participate in the process that creates the life, something that men usually enjoy. Then he gets to sit back for 9 months. Or in my hubby’s case, he gets to go work long hours at his job… but still, he’s not the one working full-time, trying to maintain the household and taking care of a rambunctious Jade The Boxer while basically feeling like his entire body is revolting against him.
To me, it just feels like the woman gets the short end of the stick in this whole deal. (I almost wrote that it seems like the woman gets the shaft, but then I thought that would seem like I was making a dirty joke. But then I still wrote it on here anyway!) My husband has told me that I get a 9-month head start on knowing our child, which is an advantage over him. I don’t feel like I know anything more about this kid over him. Other than the fact that apparently if I eat onions the baby will make me pay for it with intense heartburn. (Yeah, I’m blaming the baby!)
So yeah… my personal irony. People are born to run, but making babies isn’t feeling so natural to me!
Jill Will Run 
Hi there! Not too sure if you remember me…my name is Christina Hogue and I ran this past LV Rock n Roll half marathon with Team Challenge…loved the experience by the way! Congrats on the pregnancy! Trust me, I know exactly what you mean by saying that pregnancy is not feeling natural for you. Don’t get me wrong bc I adore my two babies, but to be honest…I can’t stand being pregnant…there’s nothing comfortable with it and I had 24-7 nausea/throwing up/heartburn til the day I gave birth to both of my children. That really made the entire experience miserable for me. On top of that, being a runner, I (with doctor’s approval of course) continued to run and race up til due date and there’s nothing comfortable about running with a big ol’ belly. Just hang in there and know that it can’t last longer then 40 weeks ;)!
Running doesn’t feel natural to me at all. Maybe someday pregnancy will feel more natural (I doubt it). Maybe we really are built differently and have different talents that come more naturally to us. I think it is so cool that you are doing something that doesn’t feel natural to you. It’s really inspiring to see people stick through something that they don’t necessarily enjoy, just because they know it’s good or at least the best result of a surprise!
The closest I can come to that is when I learned scuba diving because I have always had an irrational fear of drowning, and I wanted to get over my fears. I passed my certification test, but it turned out that my body isn’t made for scuba diving. I have really small ear canals that made the equalization downright painful and left water in my ear for over a month.
/tangent
So, I guess I’m saying that you’re cool. That’s the crux of my comment. 🙂
While I appreciate Kevin’s trying to make you feel better (“you get a headstart on knowing the baby”) and recognize that he loves you and is just trying to help…Ugh. (Sorry, Kev!) That’s like the things Dan would say when I was pregnant that made me crazy. That and the “I still think you’re beautiful.” and the “You’re not fat, you’re pregnant.” Yes, I know he meant them, he *really* did, with all his heart. Sadly, it didn’t make much difference. I still *despised* being pregnant. There, I said it!!! :p I know some women just revel in the natural process and the joy and the miracle. I wasn’t one of them.
I didn’t feel any great connection to the baby. I didn’t feel any great miracle. I just got fat and tired, with the added bonus of migraines that I couldn’t take anything for, heartburn that was never-ending, and a restriction on my exercise. Sigh. I don’t envy you, but I do relate and empathize! It does seem incredibly wrong the dads just get to be there for the fun part and then we do all the work. But, as there was nothing I could do about it (and nothing Dan could do about it!)I just tried to be patient and wait it out.
Does that even help you? Maybe not. I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one who was annoyed by pregancy and somehow missed the whole “joy of the natural process” thing. I’m in that same category. But, that part doesn’t last forever, the good part does. The good part? I absolutely LOVE being a mom! (see my other comment on the positives of parenting). There’s nothing better and nothing I’d trade it for (even on the really bad days, of which I have plenty!) Hang in there, you feel annoyed and alone, but you know Kevin loves you and eventually you won’t be pregnant anymore and his busy season will be over and he can be just as involved in parenting as you are. It’s a wonderful journey together. 🙂
PS Did you ever watch the tv show Mad About You with Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt? Remember when she finally got pg and realized she would be “The Mommy.” As she was beginning to freak out about the pregnancy and the responsibility, Paul says to her, “Honey, you know if I could do any of this for you I would.” Jamie looked at him disgustedly and said, “Shut up, one little cramp and you’d kill yourself.” Sometimes tv is true after all! ;^)
Hey, I’m just commenting for the first time because I wanted to tell you how much I’ve gotten out of reading your take on pregnancy. I’m actually planning on starting the whole process of trying in a few months, and while I’m very intrigued by the whole thing – mainly because I watched my sister give birth and it kind of blew me away – I am also aware that it could just be nine months of pure suck (and without running or beer to take the edge off). Anyway I like that you’re so honest about it and not at all “Behold the miracle of life emanating from my glorious womb.” It’s refreshing. 🙂
I guess I’m different in that my pregnancies were pretty easy for me. Sick for about 2 weeks at the beginning and uncomfortable for the last 2 weeks, with the exception of my last pregnancy where I was quite uncomfortable for the last 2 months. But, I have ginormous babies which makes deliveries not fun. (no sharing of stories there until after you deliver). Maybe you’ll have a really easy labor/delivery to make up for all the heartburn and sickness. Can I just say, epidural.
And if you really hate shopping I guess I’ll have to take a trip to Vegas, confiscate your credit cards and live vicariously through you. Shopping for baby stuff was (is!) one of my favorite parts about having a baby. Love. It. That’s another reason we didn’t find out on the last baby what the gender was. With Allyson, I stopped at the store on the way home from the ultrasound and bought 2 outfits. You should’ve seen her closet before she was even born! Lol. Drove Scott nuts. Seriously, if you need shopping buddy, I’m available May 26 until Aug 2. Ha. 🙂
“We are not supposed to sit around on plump couches eating sugary sweets all day.” Really? Someone might have, could have, should have told me that 60 years ago. I have walked five days a week for the past two years and have never thought to myself “I am sooo glad I did that and can hardly wait to do it again tomorrow. Guess that it why I am a very plump, very happy grandma.
I was just going to say have someone else do all the shopping for you, but Robyn already volunteered. 🙂
Ditto with the pregnancy process on my end. That being said, I really love being a mom.
You need to take it easy on yourself. The first pregnancy is torture for women who are very athletic and fit. Your body does feel super out of your control – and we athletic folk are always in control! Plus, you don’t know what to expect and you hate the changes b/c they are unexpected. TRUST ME – it’s all going to be okay – your body will bounce back to fast afterwards (read: life after baby weight – on my blog) and you will look back and feel silly for not enjoying being pregnant! I know that sounds weird but trust me – you’ll even miss that belly once or twice – then smack yourself and get on with it!
Thank you for sharing your Life After Baby Weight post with me (http://thereshegoes.org/life-after-baby-weight/)
That’s a great post and has some good insight. I really appreciate it!