As of today I am 18 weeks along in my pregnancy. Emotionally I am not as down about the whole process, but I’m also not up about it either. I am a little more open to the idea that I eventually have to shop for baby gear. Not that I’ve done that… the idea of setting foot into a Babies’R’Us or whatever to shop for myself is terrifying. I should pick a color of paint for the baby’s room so my dad can come paint it for me (he volunteered, okay?!) but that feels too hard as well.
Queasiness and heartburn haven’t been as bad this week and I’ve found that even with the time change, I can stay up until 10:00 a little more regularly. Of course, when my husband is working late (which is all the damn time), I’ll frequently go to bed early out of boredom and loneliness.
My sense of smell has always been pretty acute and I think it’s even more sensitive now. Not only do I seem to notice smells of food or products or outdoorsy stuff more, I seem to notice MY smell more. I feel like I stink! My husband said that I’m just imagining it, but I don’t know… it’s got me paranoid. I’ve been using Bubble & Bee Super Spray in combination with my Secret mineral deodorant and feel that helps me. I like the whole philosophy behind the Bubble & Bee line and tried using one of their Pit Putty deodorants last year, but I think starting that right as the Vegas heat was rolling in was a bad idea. It probably would have been smarter to use it at a time when my body doesn’t have to work as hard to cool off and allow myself some acclimation time. But then again, I’m not sure I can go the completely antiperspirant-free route either. I know it’s more natural, but I am just more comfortable being dry! [Read a Review on Bubble & Bee Pit Putty from BellaSugar]
Now… onto the topic that is pressing on my mind most this week:
I’ve always claimed that the human body was meant to run. No, we are not all made to run like Olympic athletes. But to keep moving our bodies, yes… that’s what the body is for. We were not designed to sit on plushy couches and eat sugary snacks all day. Movement is where it’s at!
Ironically enough, now that my body is doing what a woman’s body is supposedly built to do (incubating a human being) I am upset? I don’t find the process beautiful and I don’t feel “connected to my womanhood” (whatever that is supposed to mean) while in this state. Really, I’m just annoyed at the whole process.
Part of me is upset that my husband’s job in this is so easy. The guy gets to participate in the process that creates the life, something that men usually enjoy. Then he gets to sit back for 9 months. Or in my hubby’s case, he gets to go work long hours at his job… but still, he’s not the one working full-time, trying to maintain the household and taking care of a rambunctious Jade The Boxer while basically feeling like his entire body is revolting against him.
To me, it just feels like the woman gets the short end of the stick in this whole deal. (I almost wrote that it seems like the woman gets the shaft, but then I thought that would seem like I was making a dirty joke. But then I still wrote it on here anyway!) My husband has told me that I get a 9-month head start on knowing our child, which is an advantage over him. I don’t feel like I know anything more about this kid over him. Other than the fact that apparently if I eat onions the baby will make me pay for it with intense heartburn. (Yeah, I’m blaming the baby!)
So yeah… my personal irony. People are born to run, but making babies isn’t feeling so natural to me!