Do you ever wish you had a crystal ball that told you exactly where you are supposed to be going in life? I find myself wanting this all the time lately. Interestingly, if someone had shown young Jill some of the challenges that she would face, the response would have been, “Aw, hell no!”

My mom mentioned something like this to me recently as well… that she’s very content and happy with her life right now, but no way would she have wanted to face some of the obstacles she’s had to climb if she had known about them in advance.

Yet, it is these very obstacles that are so powerful in molding us into who we are.

Maybe I could have a short limited view into the future, just over the next 12 months or so… I feel like that would help me so much.

I know, that’s not the way life works….

I am thrilled to be running again after my summer stress fracture (un)fun.  And even though my endurance took a pretty big hit, my dreaming is on overdrive at this point and I keep thinking of race after race after race that I want to sign up for.  Half marathons, full marathons, ultra marathons… they’re all pinned onto the vision board in my head.

Races are expensive… and I just bought a new house.  There is a lot to be done around here… getting window coverings up so that I don’t feel like I live in a fishbowl anymore is a big one!  The kitchen faucet is broken, carpets need to be replaced eventually, the backyard needs landscaping, etc.

And there is still the little issue of MTH… that’s marathon training health for those of you who don’t remember or haven’t been around since January.  MTH is kind of returning, but not fully functional the way it should be.  We don’t need to go into the details, but I probably still need to keep the +13.1 mile races off the agenda for a while.

Also if full MTH returns like it should, that introduces a whole other realm that women in their 30’s need to address… I guess some women address this in the 20’s, some in the 40’s (and some in the teens or the 50’s, but those are more atypical.)  But once a woman reaches the age of 35, apparently the fertility issue starts becoming even more of a concern to the medical field.  That age is pretty close for me.  And where I’ve already had years and years of trouble with this area (I’ve never really said this word directly, but I guess I would technically meet the standards of “infertility”) do I really ignore that timing just to run a race, or 20?

Scheduling is also a concern. I want to come back to coach Team Challenge again next season.  So if I scheduled a bunch of races, they’d most likely have to be crammed into January-March for the most part before the next season begins training.  That would probably be a bit excessive!

It’s driving me bonkers.  I know I’m supposed to be mindful and live in the moment and appreciate the now… but I’m struggling to do that when the near future seems so confusing!

Do you ever get so caught up thinking about the future that the present loses focus?