The internet algorithms have a way of picking up on things about you and deciding that you need to be bombarded with either ads, influencers, or just regular other folks posting about specific topics. And for most women in their 40’s (give or take a few years on either side of that decade) the message is all about perimenopause. And the main things you need to know about being in this messed up phase of life is how you must lift weights and eat your protein.

ALL THE PROTEIN!

My favorite sarcastic Instagram account said in one post, “Google how much protein in a day will kill you, and subtract about 10 from that.” And do you know what the internet algorithm’s top protein choice seems to be? Cottage Cheese.

I’m not even sure who to attribute it to anymore, but I’ve seen the recommendation to shoot for 30ish grams of protein at each meal repeated all the damn time. (Grammarly really wants me to say “repeatedly” there instead of cursing. My blog, my language.) So I started to try boosting my protein at each meal.

I don’t usually spend time cooking breakfast, I have to start work by 7:00am, which means (in my self-imposed rules) I need to start working by 6:45am. Which means I eat breakfast at my desk. And one of the easier ways I found was to eat high-protein greek yogurt or cottage cheese.

Was I eating cottage cheese on the regular before this past year? No… not at all. But it’s now a staple of my diet. The internet algorithm pushed me into it. I joined the cult.

Think I’m exaggerating? Even the grocery store receipt says it’s a GD cult.

I have been buying the Good Culture brand of cottage cheese because it has cultures in it. The alternative is the Lactaid brand, which is cheaper on some days and not on others. They seem to flip-flop. But the grocery store abbreviated “Good Culture” as GD Cult on the receipt. Irony? (Probably, but it’s hilarious.)

Here’s the problem… I had my thyroid out a few years ago. And I’ve felt slightly crappy ever since, with one of my main complaints being dizziness. And since I started trying to eat more protein, the dizziness has amplified.

Some of this could be attributed to perimenopause. There are about 37,459,278 various symptoms documented that can be attributed to perimenopause. Or 34 symptoms. Or more… nobody knows for certain because “studying women’s health is too hard… let’s just not do it. Let’s work on erection medicines instead!” (I assume that’s how conversations go in medical research labs.)

So I’m dizzy a lot. If I crouch down and stand back up, the world goes black, and I have to wait a few beats for that to correct. But I noticed that with this protein increase the dizziness would intensify in other situations… like walking down the aisle at the grocery store. That was weird, but it made my head pound and feel weird. Weird is not a great descriptor, but it is all I can come up with.

As my estrogen declines, my endocrinologist has observed that my thyroid levels change, so I become hyperthyroid. So he adjusts the levels of my replacement med until I fall somewhere in the normal range. He doesn’t seem to care at all where I am in that range, I can be on the cusp of hyperthyroid by a hair, and he’s like, “Good enough, stay on this dose.” Actually, his staff calls me to say, “He said you’re in range, stay on that dose.”

But I still felt like hot garbage. So I started reading Reddit and Facebook groups about others who have had a total thyroidectomy. And one post jumped out at me, a woman said that she gets up at 1am to take her thyroid medicine so she can have her latte when she wakes up at 7am, because her doctor said the milk was interfering with her body’s ability to use the replacement thyroid properly. And several others jumped in on that to say the same.

Now, we won’t touch on the fact that “YOU DON’T WAKE UP UNTIL 7?!” went through my mind. But I did think to myself, “Wait… I get up at 5:45 and take my thyroid med right then, and eat breakfast at about 7 or 7:30am, am I interfering by eating yogurt or the gd cult cottage cheese?” I knew it said on the thyroid meds bottle to not take calcium supplements for at least 4 hours after taking, but I figured it was just the super high dose of those. I didn’t consider that the calcium-rich food would be a problem, because it’s still not as much calcium as a supplement pill.

But I stopped eating yogurt and gd cult at breakfast… If I want to eat those for an extra calcium hit, that can be later in the day.

And while I still can’t crouch down to pull a rogue weed from the yard without having the world shut down on me for a moment, I can now walk down the grocery store aisle without feeling like my head is spinning. So, it’s a small win?

But I’m still furious that I basically have to be my own doctor, because most doctors are overbooked and can’t actually treat patients and listen to their challenges. The Las Vegas medical scene is pretty rough; there aren’t nearly enough doctors and specialists for the population. And it’s hard to find someone who is accepting new patients and takes my insurance. And nobody has time to call various doctors’ offices all day to ask questions, because they usually put you on hold until you get disconnected. After all, they’re all too busy for someone asking stupid questions* while they’re trying to check patients in and out.

*They’re not really stupid questions either. “Do you take my insurance?” and “Are you accepting new patients?” just feel extra stupid when you can tell they’re frazzled and you’re stressed because you should be focusing on work at that time and not sitting on hold waiting/hoping for a doctor’s admin assistant to get around to the phone. I try to be self-sufficient, but the insurance company’s website is so unreliable. Half the time it is timing out on provider searches, and the rest it’s like, “Here’s a list of tons of people that probably take this insurance, but you should find their contact info and see for yourself if they’re still in plan.”