Striving for something that doesn’t exist

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Perfection… it doesn’t really exist. I know that. But it’s so hard to not constantly strive for being “perfect” – whatever that means.

I feel like I’m failing in these areas:

  • As a mother: My baby is basically a fruitarian. I keep giving her a variety of foods, but she rejects them. And then I just want her to consume something, anything, so we fall back to fruit. The girl can eat her weight in watermelon!
  • As a wife: I’m sick of food, so that makes it hard for me to want to plan or prepare meals. I know I’m not great company, I get frustrated very easily and by the time I get to sit down and spend time with him, it’s so easy for my brain to just zone out or my body to drift off to sleep.
  • As an employee: I’m just burnt out on my job, I gain no satisfaction from it.
  • As a blogger: My inbox is booming… I get so many messages every day from people asking me to review their products. The ones I’ve accepted are on my to-do list, but it gets hard. I’ve turned down a lot too. The thing is, I don’t earn hardly anything from this site. I need to figure out ways to monetize it more so that I’m a little more compensated for my time/effort but also so I’m not alienating all of you who read it.
  • As an individual: I feel like I’m lacking vitality. That’s the best word I can come up with… I don’t have VITALITY. I feel too drained and exhausted to do anything. Sometimes it’s even tiring to think about laughing at something funny, so I give it a wan smile. That’s a sad place to be.
  • As a runner: Pre-baby, I average 25-30 miles a week most of the time, sometimes higher and sometimes lower, but that was my overall average. Now I’m lucky to be averaging 9-12 miles a week. It’s partly due to the heat, I’m not tolerating it well this year. But it’s partly due to… I don’t know. Fatigue, apathy, laziness? I want to run, I see runners on the side of the road and think, “I want that to be me!” But when it comes time to having the minutes to spare for a run, I feel like I’m on Empty.

So this week I’m kind of trying to recharge. No workout pressure. I’m going to pick up my 30-day Challenge again next week (Thanks Chris for suggesting the challenge break!) and I will try to figure out how to incorporate more time to rejuvenate into my schedule.

I have it, on very good authority, that the quest for perfection our society demands can leave the individual gasping for breath at every turn
Full speech can be found here: http://www.settelen.com/diana_eating_disorders.htm

 

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