This week I got some running done and time on the FitDesk that felt really good and I was proud of that effort.
However, I also felt so fatigued and struggled to stay awake long enough to feed the baby each night at 10. I would be sitting on the couch with my hubby and my eyes would be closing, head dropping, mind shutting down. So I took the weekend off.
You know that saying “nap when the baby naps”? I’ve never successfully done that. I tried a few times during my maternity leave, but I usually a) felt guilty that I should be doing chores around the house or b) worried that I’d fall asleep too deeply and wouldn’t wake to take care of my baby. And while my baby has been sleeping 10pm-6am since she was about 8 weeks old, I have still been feeling the effects of sleep deprivation and my body working hard to heal from pregnancy/childbirth in addition to keeping up with breastfeeding, working full-time and working out. Enough was enough, my body and mind decided I needed rest.
Of course, I didn’t get much rest… Sunday the baby was very sad. She’s teething, she was in pain and didn’t nap. She needed to be cuddled and I’m happy to shower her with love. Even if it means she is howling in one ear and my back muscles were getting re-knotted up after my nice relaxing massage Saturday morning. She’s worth it.
And while all of this is so logical, I still feel guilty; like everybody on the internet expects me to be super strong and have all my SH*! together all the time. But I think it’s really just me that expects that of me. I’m human and while I expect everybody else to be human, for some reason that courtesy doesn’t extend to myself. And that’s just not right.
This week I have no firm plan for what I will do in terms of exercise and when I will run. I do have a couple of things on my agenda that I’m looking forward to though:
I’m taking the baby to Utah for a day so I can introduce her to my co-workers.
I know it’s important to be kind to yourself. That’s something that I’m always trying to convey online and to people I know. Partly because I want everyone to practice that, but also as a reminder to myself. Why is it so hard to remember to apply those standards to myself?!