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Week in Re/Preview

I got in walks with the baby in the BOB most days of the week!

Monday: 1.17 miles
Tuesday: 1.17 miles in the morning and another 1 mile in the evening
Wednesday: 1.52 miles
Thursday: 1.52 miles
Friday: 1.52 miles
Sunday: 1.52 miles
Total: 9.42 miles for the week

On Saturday morning we went to the Gilcrease Orchard and picked up fresh apple cider donuts instead of going on a walk! Totally worth it!

I’m shooting for two mile walks this week!

I ordered these adhesive tape remover pads from Amazon and they are AMAZING! I got all the residue left over from all my bandages without hard scrubbing, the residue just wiped away. True, I now have a box of 100 wipes (well, actually it’s down to 96 after I cleaned up, they’re tiny wipes) but that’s okay. Apparently they work well for band-aids that are really stuck on or if we have any future adhesive tape situations. I wouldn’t think they’d expire either, they’re packaged into little individual packets.

Emotionally I’m having a hard time. I felt fine the first few weeks, but this past week suddenly I felt really sad. Even though my husband is here at home with me and I have Jade The Boxer and Alexis, I feel so alone. There are moments where I just want to cry because I am terrified at how life is going to work out in the future. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and I don’t want to eliminate my job/income… but I don’t see how it’s possible to do this telecommuting gig with the baby.

The way things are right now I feed the baby for about 4.5 hours each day. Then I have another 5 hours a day spent playing with her, changing her, cleaning her, etc. Let’s call that 10 hours a day. Then eventually I’m supposed to work 8 hours a day. Plus I would like to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day. So that’s already up to 25 hours in a day and I haven’t even figured in eating, showering, exercise, blogging, etc. It’s overwhelming!

Anyone ever used care.com with any kind of success? I can’t find any daycare facilities that take infants near my home and I would rather have someone come take care of the baby at my home if I have to work from the house anyway.

I’m tired of leaking and being covered in breastmilk and spit-up and looking like a slob. I’m tired of spending my days with my boobs hanging out. I can wear my real-world clothes now, but they’re a little snug at the waist and the buttons/zippers are not that comfortable with the c-section incision. Plus my abdomen just feels sore and tender to the touch in general still.

Motherhood is no joke… this is a hard life.

At least my baby is adorable:

6 Responses to "Week in Re/Preview"

Falana says:

September 17, 2012 at 8:44 am

We found our sitter through care.com. LOVE her! It takes a lot of time and screening, though. I did phone interviews with about 8 people and in person interviews with 3 and then trial runs with 2 to find my sitter. We also have our house nanny-cam’ed so that gave us additional peace of mind. It’s hard. If you want less work, but it costs a whole heck of a lot more, try housekeepers and nannies. Friends have had good success with them.

Also I know it’s cheesy, but if you don’t have a lot of near by friends with kids, join a moms club. It’s good to surround yourself with women who are going through the same thing as you are. You are most certainly not alone but I totally understand the isolated feeling. It helped me a lot and I’ve made some now life-long friends through it.

You are doing great, by the way. I don’t think I walked two until about 6 weeks post csection! You’re amazing!

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Anna says:

September 17, 2012 at 9:00 am

I don’t know if you’re near a university, but as a college student, I babysat for a toddler and an infant for several hours two or three days a week while the mom locked herself in a room in the house to work on her dissertation. She was nearby in case of emergencies or if I needed something, but she was able to isolate herself from all the distractions so she could be productive. It would probably be cheaper than a nanny and isn’t as much of a commitment. And unlike a high school student, college kids generally have some stretches of free time during the day. My school had an email list-serve for employment opportunities in the area, so maybe a nearby college or university has something similar.

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Amy says:

September 17, 2012 at 9:09 am

oh Jill…..it is all so new to you and unexpected that I understand why you are having a hard time. I agree with Anna above. Check with the school. Even to have someone watch her while you nap and shower will make you feel better. Or use the time to run/work. Anything to make you feel like your life before baby has not completely disappeared.

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Laura says:

September 17, 2012 at 9:55 am

Hi Jill, I discovered your blog fairly recently, and have really enjoyed going through your past posts.
I think it is so, so important to share the hard parts of motherhood with other women. Pretending that having a new baby is easy and wonderful 100% of the time is just not realistic, and can set up new moms for some serious self-doubt. So I really appreciate your openness! Thank you!
I hope things get easier soon, and that you can find some reliable child care.

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Michelle says:

September 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

If we ever stop being sick Avery and I will come visit. Adjusting to motherhood is a very lonely time. You can call me if you need to vent.

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bethany actually says:

September 18, 2012 at 4:09 am

I hope it reassures you to hear that those feelings are completely normal. Your hormones are still very much in flux and will be for a while. Adjusting to motherhood and nursing is a big deal and takes time—usually a lot more time than we envisioned! When Annalie was wee and nursing 15 times a day for 45-60 minutes per session (not exaggerating; that was an actual day in a nursing log I kept early on), and I was so frustrated about how many things I could do, I finally told myself, “Nursing IS my LIFE right now, and anything else I get to do—shower, eat a sandwich, read a book—is a bonus.”

I can remember so clearly feeling like it would never change, that I’d have a leech baby forever. And now she’s EIGHT. I’m not saying, “Cherish these days, they’ll be gone before you know it!” because A’s first six months felt like they lasted ten YEARS. But Alex won’t be a newborn forever. It will get so much easier. Once babies hit about 4-5 months they are such fun, and you will be more experienced too.

I was going to suggest looking for a college child development student too! And I’ve heard really good things about SitterCity.com.

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