3 weeks ago was the last time I had a dilation check. It was uncomfortable and I’ve chosen to not do it each time. I’m happy I made that choice. At least I was living in blissful ignorance. Three weeks ago the verdict was that my cervix was “dimpling” – kind of prep for dilation but nothing real.
And in 3 weeks, not a damn thing has changed.
I’m not dilated at all.
On Monday I have to go in for a stress test and then on Tuesday I have a follow-up appointment. (The baby will probably pass the stress test, but I would fail one.)
I was given an option to think about, a balloon induction. Basically what happens (with my own interpretation) is they try to shove a catheter through the cervix and inflate a balloon to put pressure on the cervix. Then they leave the catheter tube hanging outside, taped to your leg and you’re sent home. As the pressure from the balloon makes your cervix soften and dilate, it will just drop out once you reach around 4 cm dilated.
When it was being described to me, it sounded sucky. Then when I Googled it (Googling is always a
good bad adventuresome idea) and found stories of women talking about how much pain this caused when they were 1 or 2 cm dilated and doctors being unsuccessful at getting the tube in, the thought of them trying to do it when I am 0 cm dilated sounds miserable.
If I want to do this, it can be done at my Tuesday appointment. But even then it’s not guaranteed to be successful, especially since my cervix seems especially “inhospitable” to that procedure right now. And something would have to be done to make my cervix “hospitable” or “favorable” to induction for a drug-based induction to happen anyway. (Giving me pitocin now would just make me start contracting more and more, but then the baby and I could end up exhausted without an open cervix still.)
My mom had my brother and me via c-section, because her cervix wouldn’t dilate. My midwife says that we can’t guarantee that is a hereditary thing and she doesn’t know the full details of what my mom went through “way back in the 70′s when things were done differently.” I can understand that, but still I can’t help but wonder.
If I make it all the way to 41 weeks then we’ll have to consider other measures, since my placenta will be getting “old” by then. And while a c-section is longer recovery time (8 vs. 6 weeks), part of me is starting to think that if I have a scheduled c-section, at least I wouldn’t have hours of pushing to wear me out and there wouldn’t be any tearing possibilities. Maybe it would be easier in the long run…
I cried today because I’m SICK of being pregnant. I felt like a fool for tearing up in the doctor’s office, but I couldn’t help it. The tears just came… I don’t know what to think.